Shadow of the Conqueror (Part 3)
STATS
Title: Shadow of the Conqueror
Series: The Chronicles of Everfall (Book 1)
Author(s): Shad M. Brooks
Genre: Fantasy (Epic)
First Printing: July 2019
Publisher: Independently published via Shadiversity Pty Ltd and Honorguard Productions LLC
Rating: 6/10
SPOILER WARNING
Spoilers will be necessary to properly explore aspects of this story. I will mark “Mild Spoilers” and “Heavy Spoilers” at the start of each section as necessary, but the first paragraph will always be as spoiler-free as possible.
BOOKKEEPING
You may recall how, in the last part, I responded to three criticisms about Daylen’s character writing that I felt overlooked important, positive aspects of the overall work. While I do stand by my original conclusions, I did not provide adequate detail for or fully address the point regarding his mental health. I only reviewed whether Daylen lacked empathy or morality. This was far too narrow of an approach and misrepresented the full criticism.
In fact, within a few days of me making the post, a few folks on the Shadiversity server diagnosed Daylen with specific mental disorders. PTSD, anti-social personality disorders, and bipolar disorders were all mentioned. No one has claimed to be a medical professional in these field. Still, the fact that specific conditions were identified does partially counter one of the points I made.
Mental health issues in a character do not equal bad writing. However, if a character is unintentionally written with mental health issues, or if those issues undermine the foundation of the narrative, that can indeed be a significant issue. I therefore need to do an addendum to that initial response.
However, properly delving into that topic will take some time. The previous part is long enough, and this one will be, too. Since Part 4 will be shorter, I will add an additional section, Mental Health, to the end of that part. For those of you who may have felt that I didn’t properly address that criticism, please bear with me. I’m hoping that you will find the addendum more satisfactory.
POWER FANTASY
Shadow of the Conqueror is absolutely a power fantasy. Daylen possesses immense magical power, peak physical health, a vast wealth of knowledge and experience, and a sword that would make Kirito himself jealous. All of these are accessible to him either at the start of the story or within the first 100 pages. The action scenes revel in his incredible prowess and how he overcomes his foes.
A powerful character is not terrible in and of itself. There are ways to create engaging stories with meaningful stakes while still empowered the main character to easily crush any external challenge. One Punch Man is founded upon this concept.
Unfortunately, this book is not One Punch Man.
Remember back in Part 1, where I said in my 2020 review that the power fantasy doesn’t break the story? I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. It’s incredible that I forgot how badly it messes things up.
There are three things we need to break down here: Daylen as a power fantasy character, whether the setting can accommodate the power fantasy, the power fantasy in the context of the conflict. We’ll start with the aspects that aren’t inherently problematic and then move to the core of the issue.
Character (Mild Spoilers)
Daylen is an interesting case in overpowered characters because, unlike many of his contemporaries in modern fantasy media, his immense power and skills are all adequately explained. They also have holes that provide him with weaknesses (albeit disproportionately small ones).
First, there’s his vast knowledge and experience. That was built up over a lifetime. In the first 62 years of his life, Daylen survived an apocalypse (we’ll get to that later), led an uprising, became a military dictator, and conquered most of the world. He had the time, resources, and incentive to master swordsmanship and engineering. Granted, the fact he is as good as he is in both strains credulity, and his knowledge should have faded somewhat over two decades of isolation and declining health, yet it’s not impossible that he’d have them in the first place. The story also provides hints that his experience is slightly outdated. For example, Daylen is impressed when he learns that two-way mirrors are a thing. While his ignorance of the modern world isn’t adequately explored, there is room to properly challenge and surprise him in future stories without it feeling like an abrupt shift.
Next, there’s Daylen’s physical condition. This was a gift from the Light. Obviously, he didn’t earn this, though the text does imply that he did train to this level of fitness while in his 30s. I think this is the least destructive element of the power fantasy. The magic system in this story makes muscles irrelevant, and when relying on physical fitness alone, Daylen loses fights.
The overpowered sword is something Daylen made during his time as Dayless. It took a lot of time (years, if I understand the text correctly) and the full extent of his abilities to create. Its specialness also serves as a minor source of conflict, as other people are aware of the blade and want it for themselves.
Last, there is his magic.
Daylen was also gifted these powers by the Light. What’s more, he is explicitly stated to have more raw power than other Archknights. It can’t really be argued that he struggled for or earned these powers.
However, Daylen earns the knowledge of how to use his powers. Time is taken within the story for Daylen to experiment with and learn about his powers. He is constantly analyzing and learning. Given the type of man he’s established to be, this self-education feels true to this character. I feel like he’d have been just as deadly with his magical powers even if he’d been at or below the Archknight average.
These powers are also a weak point for Daylen. While he learns quickly, the holes in his knowledge lead to him either making very painful mistakes or to him being defeated by less powerful but more experienced opponents. The story expresses that the Archknights simply know more about these powers than he could hope to teach to himself in a few days, and that several of them have powers that he wasn’t granted.
(I do want to acknowledge that Daylen’s knowledge is not always well-written. In the climax of the book, he applies his powers in a way that he believes no Archknight ever has. If this is true, then it kicks the legs out from under the praise I just gave. What he does is absolutely something that a group of individuals with collectively thousands of years of experience would have thought of at some point. It should have made them unstoppable. A very good explanation is needed for why every Archknight hasn’t been taught the same trick.)
World
Daylen’s power levels are not abnormal in this setting. If he is a god among mortals, ten he is part of a very large pantheon, and he is not the top dog.
Sure, he has raw power above the baseline of the Archknights, but Archknights with proper training are stronger than him. The story also indicates that there are some Archknights who are a whole weight class above him in terms of abilities. Others Archknights also possess powers that he hasn’t been given.
There is also the matter of the Shade, fiendish beings of darkness from the aforementioned apocalypse. Daylen does encounter a few of these beings in the story. Each time, it is emphasized that the Shades he’s fighting are weak. He’s quite relieved about that fact. It’s very clear that there are enemies in this world who would crush him, even with all of his power and skill.
Ultimately, the reason Daylen comes across as so obscenely powerful is a function of the opponents he faces. The power fantasy would not have been detectable if everyone he fought was either an Archknight or a Shade. Outside of that one plot hole-inducing trick, his power levels don’t break the world.
Conflict (Heavy Spoilers)
An overpowered character who fits the setting is not inherently problematic. What is problematic is if said overpowered character negatively impacts the tension and stakes of the story. If your story is sold on external conflicts, then the overpowered character needs to be challenged by those external conflicts for there to be tension, stakes, and audience investment.
Shadow of the Conqueror does present Daylen with external challenges that fit his abilities … after the 60% mark.
You see, the 60% mark is where Daylen’s and Lyrah’s POVs finally intersect. Lyrah and Cueseg attempt to arrest this so-called son of Dayless the Conqueror. When Daylen refuses, they are happy to use force. Both Daylen and the audience quickly discover that Daylen’s immense powers don’t make him a match for people with greater experience. He gets his ass handed to him and has to run away.
After that point, he faces real challenges. There are still scenes where he steamrollers over people, and a wild scene where he cuts a mountain in half with that special sword of his (we’ll touch on it when discussing the plot), but for every overpowered moment, he makes a deadly mistake or gets thrashed to within an inch of his life. If the entire book was like this, there would be little to complain about in terms of the power fantasy.
Unfortunately, there’s still everything that happens between the 10% mark (when Daylen starts experimenting with his powers) and the 60% mark. That 50% chunk is nearly devoid of external conflicts. The only threat that really hangs over Daylen is the risk that his past as Dayless will be revealed. However, given how terrible he is at hiding his identity, the fact he isn’t outed by the 20% mark makes it very hard to take this possibility seriously. There is a single fight scene where Daylen’s limits are genuinely tested, but again, it’s hard to take that seriously after watching him overpower so many enemies. It’s not until Lyrah and Cueseg kick Daylen’s ass that the external conflict finally becomes engaging.
Now, Daylen does have to deal with plenty of internal conflict prior to the 60% mark. He’s challenged morally by Ahrek and needs to cope with both temptations and the realization that he is fundamentally still that same man as when he was Dayless.
The issue is that Shadow of the Conqueror is presented as the story of a villain battling the evils of the world. We are promised external conflicts for Daylen to overcome. I wouldn’t blame you for getting bored and putting down the book prior to the 60% mark (at least one person I’ve talked to did). What’s more, it’s not like this story is structured with a sharp shift from internal to external conflicts. Daylen is still being morally challenged and facing the darkness of his past after the 60% mark. The void of external conflict therefore leaves the story feeling lopsided.
Picture a triple-scoop ice cream cone, covered with all of your favorite toppings. Then imagine that someone managed to carve out most of the middle scoop while leaving the top scoop intact. How well do you think that ice cream cone is going to retain its shape?
That’s the external stakes of Shadow of the Conqueror. I love that top scoop, but its teetering on a void. The power fantasy has gutted the foundation.
WORLDBUILDING / EXPOSITION
Speculative fiction, including epic fantasy, is often sold as much for its setting as for the plot and characters. Readers come to the genre to escape the real world and enter a more fantastical one. Bad worldbuilding can kill in this genre.
The worldbuilding of Shadow of the Conqueror is the element I’ve heard the least criticism for. It certainly gets dissected and hyper-scrutinized, yet the same could be said for any fantasy setting that garners any significant amount of attention, especially when it is presented as a hard magic system. It’s an interesting concept that gets a fair bit of exploration as the story progresses.
When Shad was first marketing this book on his YouTube channel back in 2019, I recall him advertising the depth and internal consistency of the world. I do believe that he succeeded in this regard. While it is not free of puzzling elements, this does feel like a setting that had a lot of thought put into making it feel as much like a real place with internal logic as possible.
The World
In Everfall, the world is flat, the eternal sky loops back on itself, and the sun hangs in a fixed position in the sky. People mark time in “falls”, using as a reference a massive chunk of rock that is endlessly falling through the looped sky (which, conveniently, is roughly equal to a day. No information is provided on how years are marked).
Nearly all matter in this world is made of light. Even people are made of light, which facilitates things such as the Archknights’ ability to regenerate and the Lightbringers’ ability to heal others. There are “sunstones” which emit sunlight. The one exception to things being made of light if “darkstone”. This substance drains light from its surroundings, and it can only be moved through space by exposing its faces to light (which is why people can move it while it is touching their bare flesh). This property allows the flat world to hang supported in the endless sky. People have also manipulated it to support various types of magitek.
Everfall is home to multiple nations. However, the events of Shadow of the Conqueror primarily take place in the land of Hamahra, the former center of the Dayless the Conqueror’s power. We don’t go too deep into the cultures of this world, outside of touching upon the Tuerasians (see Part 2) and the matriarchal culture of Frey. The concept of light also plays a significant role within the cultures, though primarily through idioms, religion, and iconography.
One key aspect of this world is the Shade. If any person is kept is darkness for a full day, they are transformed into an undead monster with shadow powers. At a few times throughout history, the Shades have somehow plunged the whole world into darkness, created apocalyptic events known as the Nights. The events of the story take place during the Fifth Day; Daylen survived the Fourth Night prior to establishing the Dawn Empire. Unlike the nations, the Shades do have a strong presence in the worldbuilding. Because Shades can only be killed by bleeding them dry, mastering of swordsmanship (specifically, blades that can hack off limbs and heads) is considered an essential skill, resulting in a world with a rich dueling culture and an emphasis on every individual learning to wield a blade.
There’s a lot more that I could go over for the story, as well as some minor details that might annoy people. The cultures of this world all have anime-esque hair colors (blue, green, red), for instance. At least one person I talked to complained that the cultural elements not linked to the Shade or light seem to clash in a manner that feels like a hodgepodge of random ideas. Your mileage may vary on this, depending on your areas of interest and expertise.
Bottom line, I think that the setting itself is fine. This is an immersive world that is distinct from our own, and the integration of its elements make it feel much more real and lived-in. I’d love to see more adventures in this world to properly flesh out and explore its cultures.
Magic System (Mild Spoilers)
Shad’s marketing also promised a hard magic system with easily understood rules. This, too, was fulfilled, albeit in a manner that not everyone will enjoy: magical superpowers.
In brief, magic can be broken down into three categories: Lightbringing (healing, creating matter from light telekinesis), Lightbinding (enhancing or manipulating attributes of the individual or environment by funneling more light into them), and Lightblaring (stated to be the power set of the Shades, so that would be the shadow magic mentioned earlier). We get plenty of examples of Lightbringing through Ahrek. Lightbinding is what gets the most exploration, though. Daylen uses it to enhance physical and mental attributes throughout the story, adjusting his abilities on the fly to meet challenges.
If you don’t read fantasy for superpowers, you’re probably going to be annoyed by this system. If you are the type who likes a very consistent and predictable system, you may enjoy this quite a lot. The text presents exact numbers for how Lightbinding affects different attributes, and while I haven’t crunched numbers to check whether this is accurately reflected, the power scaling in general does seem to hold up.
The downside of this system is that is has a lot of potential to be broken. The number of things that Daylen can enhance is mind-boggling. He can enhance his strength, speed, or reflexes to overcome physical challenges. He can adjust his mass to execute incredible leaps or to save himself from falls (a point is made to address conservation of momentum in this story, and its one of the first tricks he learns). He can regenerate. He can amplify any of his senses. He can also enhance mental attributes and skills, giving himself perceptive capabilities that would put Holmes to shame or unlocking perfect recall. He can make his voice so persuasive that others readily spill secrets to him. Even with the story calling out his inability to access special Lightbinding abilities like controlling the weather or manipulating gravity, he has a vast arsenal of abilities that can be used to overcome any problem. He just needs to think of the tool he needs to solve his problem. I wouldn’t be shocked if he could make himself really, really, ridiculously good looking just by binding light to his attractiveness. (I haven’t included the plot-breaking application of this power in this list, though I feel like at least some of you will guess it. If you do, I’m sure you’ll agree that the Archknights would have thought of it, too.)
I personally don’t think this is a bad system. It is suitable for the story that Shad wanted to tell, and its mechanics are consistent with the rest of the worldbuilding. My one objection is that not enough limits are applied to it. Daylen has potential to become insanely powerful in future stories. More rules need to be fleshed out if a sequel is ever written.
Exposition
Good worldbuilding is all well and good. Expressing that worldbuilding to the audience is another matter. People don’t come into fictional worlds with a full understanding of how this reality differs from their own. It needs to be explained to them, preferably within the narrative.
Sadly, the exposition in Shadow of the Conqueror is not very good. At the very least, the exposition of the magic system is not very good. Depending on how familiar you are with fantasy and science fiction literature, you may be well aware of the dreaded text walls. This book has them – but they are come in two very special breeds of text walls.
I mentioned in the Power Fantasy section how Daylen earns his knowledge of his powers. I skipped over the specifics of that experimentation. We the audience are treated to every experiment and every thread of logic Daylen follows.
The first time Daylen does this, he is plummeting to his death. We watch him grasp the basics of the Lightbinding, then he begins to experiment with different abilities, puzzling out how he can safe himself from a deadly impact. It runs a bit long, and the amount of detail drains the energy out of the scene, yet it is still an interesting moment that showcases Daylen’s character traits. It’s not bad in isolation.
The problem is that there are several of these scenes, scattered throughout the book. Most of them are in situations with little or no stakes. At a certain point, it feels like the story is being forgotten so that Shad can share his author’s notes.
The other form of text wall occurs in dialogue. Daylen and another character will have a conversation about Lightbinding or Lightbringing, and the discussion will be stretched into a lengthy Q&A about the limitations of the powers. This has the opposite problem from the experimentation scenes. When there’s no stakes or action, these conversations are mildly dull; when there is stakes or action, they derail the pacing.
As with most text walls, the end result is tedium and a lack of investment. Shad spells out the magic system, yet I struggle to remember specifics. I only recall the overarching rules that were fleshed out through action.
What I find so strange about this is that the problem seems to be confined to the magic system. I’m not saying that the exposition is perfect in the rest of the story, but it’s not disruptive. We learn a lot about the world’s cultures, history, and technology through organic bits of narrative and background details. It feels natural and memorable.
Back in Part 2, I mentioned Daylen’s confessional memoir and how extracts from it open each chapter. There’s more to these snippets than just his backstory. Woven into the account are details about the world, particular its history, that might otherwise bog down the narrative. It also is made more memorable through its emotional significance. Within the memoir, Daylen conveys disgust for his crimes while also laying out the cold rationalizations he used at the time. This layer of characterization gives us a reason to care about and remember the exposition.
It's a shame that the explanations of the magic system weren’t done in this manner. Maybe the account of Daylen’s history could be trimmed down, with fewer excerpts presented; excerpts about the magic system could then be slotted into the introductions of the freed-up chapters, framed as being part of some other text. These excerpts would need their own unique voice to stand out from Daylen’s journal, and perhaps a new character would need to be introduced to establish the emotional relevance of the tech for the audience, yet at least it would provide more breathing room and less disruption within the body of the text.
END OF PART 3
The power fantasy and the worldbuilding offered a lot to chew on. The big lesson to take from both of these is the importance of execution in a story. There were ways that the elements presented here could have worked fine with just a little redrafting.
That wraps us up for this week. Join us next week for Part 4, as we dive into action scenes, dialogue, and plot – and, as promised, a closer look at how the story handles mental health. Have a good week, everyone.
