Onyx Storm (Chapter 1 to Chapter 4)
STATS
Title: Onyx Storm
Series: The Empyrean (Book 3)
Author(s): Rebecca Yarros
Genre: Fantasy (Epic)
First Printing: January 2025
Publisher: Red Tower Books
Rating: 1.5 / 10
SPOILER WARNING
Heavy spoilers will be provided for the entirety of The Empyrean up through the end of the content covered in this part. Mild spoilers for elements later in Onyx Storm may be provided, but I will keep the first paragraph of each section as spoiler-free as possible. Heavy spoilers from later in Onyx Storm will be confined to clearly labelled sections.
STORY
The story opens with Violet out on patrol for venin who survived the battle in the climax of Iron Flame. Upon returning to Basgiath, she verbally spars with some riders who hadn’t been part of the defection in the middle of Iron Flame (referred to the text as Navarrian riders). She then goes to visit Sawyer in the infirmary. The visit is interrupted when someone screams outside: venin have infiltrated Basgiath.
An action scene follows as Violet and her friends prevent venin from freeing Jack Barlowe. The battle ends when Xaden shows up to slay the venin.
Violet is summoned is a meeting of Navarre’s Senarium to discuss a task force to find the rainbow dragons. She presents a list of demands from Andarna in exchange for her cooperation. Melgren only agrees to consider these proposals, which greatly upsets Violet.
Violet and Xaden have sex. Xaden breaks it off when he nearly gives into the temptation to drain Violet. Violet assures him that she doesn’t think it was a big deal, but Xaden refuses to have sex with her again until he is sure he can control himself.
Mira returns to Basgiath after an mysterious absence. She reveals to Violet that she has figured out how to selectively negate runes. Violet is pleased with this, stating that it will allow her to help the gryphon fliers.
WORLDBULDING
Due to the nature of the retcons in these chapters, we need to start with worldbuilding first to fully appreciate what’s been done with the plot and characters.
The Senarium
This is “the king’s council” composed of the six individuals who rule Navarre's component kingdoms.
On the face of it, that's fine, but then Yarros further mangles the power structures of her world.
King Tauri’s name is used 13 times in this book - but he never appears on the page. The closest thing he gets to dialogue is authoring a diplomatic letter for the epigraph of Chapter 56. Every time there is some manner of diplomatic or executive work to be done, it is done by the Sensorium or by one of his sons (more on that later). He doesn’t even get to appear for the signing of the peace treaty, despite the fact that he indeed present at Basgiath for that and the fact that the Queen of Poromiel (who is also here to sign the treaty) both gets a dramatic character introduction and dialogue.
What this effectively means is that the Senarium hold all the political power in this book. Even if they are technically subordinate to the King, all of the practical decision-making power resides with them.
So … what does the king even do? What authority does he truly hold?
For that matter, how does the Senarium relate to the rider leadership? Do they take orders from the riders? Do the riders take orders from them? How does their authority relate to the Empyrean? Their behavior in this book seems to indicate that they always knew about the venin, so were they the ones who ruled that the secret be kept, or were they forced to keep it under duress?
It should come as no surprise that the answer is, “Whatever Yarros needs for the current scene.”
Venin
Retcon - Power Levels
In Iron Flame, Yarros revealed that venin can exist within the wards that protect Navarre. These wards diminish their power level, but they maintain their near-invulnerability and are still able to sustain themselves by feeding on magic from the ground. This reveal was catastrophic for the worldbuilding thus far, since it effectivley meant the venin could have infiltrated the riders and destroyed Basgiath’s wardstone at any time over the previous six centuries.
Yarros manages to escalate this problem twice in these chapters, first through exposition in Chapter 1 and again through demonstration in Chapter 2.
While Violet is out on patrol, we get:
“It’s just a quick patrol,” Andarna whines, jarring me from my thoughts. “I need the practice. Who knows what weather we’ll encounter on the search for my kind?”
“Quick patrols” have proven deadly, and I’m not looking for reasons to test Andarna’s fire theory. Dark wielders may have limited power within the wards, but they’re still lethal fighters. The ones who didn’t escape post-battle have used the element of surprise to add multiple names to the death roll. First Wing, Third Wing, and our own Claw Section have suffered losses.
What we are being told here is that venin have always had the power to go toe-to-toe with riders inside the wards, with the implication being that they are this deadly despite the riders being with their dragons and having access to the alloy daggers. How, then, did they not conquer Navarre long ago? We will later get direct confirmation that Violet is the only person whose Signet can harm them (even Xaden can’t kill them with shadows - he has to use his shadows to deliver alloy daggers), and we already know that they are immune to any dragon fire except Andarna’s. They could have easily assassinated the political and military elites … no, that’s thinking too small. They could easily have engaged in guerilla warfare to slaughter entire military installations, including Basgiath. Sure, maybe Melgren could have seen them coming after his Signet developed, but he can’t have been operating for more than half a century. That leaves five and a half centuries where the venin could have taken over.
Things get worse in the Chapter 2 action scene. That scream that triggers the scene is from the venin slaughtering the “overflow” from the infirmary - a corridor full of wounded people on makeshift cots. The fact that they killed all those people without getting caught, with only one people having time to scream, means that even inside the wards, venin can drain people almost as quickly as they can with their death wave attack. Coupled with the augmented speed they also demonstrate in this scene, this means they don’t even need weapons or any other magic to wipe out hundreds or thousands of people apiece. We also see that the Mavens (their highest-ranked members) can move so fast that they appear to teleport. This alone would make a Maven assassin nigh-unstoppable. Then there is Jack’s pain projection Signet, not to mention the boost to Xaden’s Signet post-transformation. If Yarros wants to insist that these are venin powers, then that means venin can use magic that rivals Signets inside the wards, too. (I sure hope she doesn’t contradict that later.)
There’s also a weird line when Violet gripes about Xaden keeping their bond closed since he became a venin.
The loss of constant connection sucks, but he doesn’t trust himself—or what he thinks he’ll become—to keep it open yet.
It sounds like Yarros is saying that venin can drain people through a psychic link. Given that mindwork is supposed to be a “lesser magic”, why don’t venin train in mindwork so that they can drain anyone at range?
At this point, it’s not clear what the wards are even supposed to stop. Yes, we’ve seen that they switch off the wyverns, but the venin didn’t have wyverns until recently, and they frankly don’t need the wyverns with the power at their disposal. Why did Navarre ever bother to raise and maintain these wards in the first place?
I wish the problems stopped there, but Yarros had tied the plot to the wards at a couple points. This invalidation of the wards therefore undermines the story. She previously made a huge deal about how the wards kept Navarre safe. That was the foundation for Violet and everyone else who’s Good branding the rider leadership as being selfish and cowardly for not fighting against the venin (i.e. Navarre lived in safety and luxury while the rest of the world was in danger). It was also the entire driving force behind Violet trying to activate the Aretia wardstone. Now, we learn that Navarre really was just an unstable lifeboat this whole time, and Violet’s efforts to activate the Aretia wardstone were completley pointless. Yarros had dropped yet another virus bomb on her series because she wants to have venin be a threat inside the wards.
Note that I said “wants”, not “needs”. It wouldn’t have been hard to write the story so that Violet is simply put into situations where venin were already a threat. She could go into Poromiel to save civilians, collect a MacGuffin, or to save a rider behind enemy lines. In fact, Yarros has Violet do all three of these things throughout this book. Yarros is blowing up her entire setting with a retcon purely because she wants to have Violet be threatened by venin within the wards.
Feeding Time
“Barlowe can’t hear or see a thing outside that chamber unless someone opens the door, so it’s not like he’s gathering new intel. From the look of the stones he’s drained within the cell, he’ll be dead within the week.”
This is a nice detail to have for future reference. We can assume this won't affect Xaden, since he is not as far gone as Jack.
That said … the bit about gathering intel implies venin have superhuman senses, even inside the wards. It’s not like Jack should be able to spy on people while sitting in a prison cell that is nowhere near where sensitive information would be discussed. He would need superhuman senses to know what’s happening outside of the brig.
This may not be what Yarros intended, but now that she put it to the page, it’s one more way the venin are overpowered.
I Sense a Disturbance in the Force
Venin can sense one another’s locations.
“With my shields up, I didn’t know you were in the interrogation chamber until I was halfway down the stairs.”
“What?” I blink. “Then how did you know to come help?”
Silence stretches between us, and a prickle of apprehension makes me shift my weight, aggravating my lower back.
“I sensed them,” he finally answers. “The same way they sense me.”
My stomach pitches, and I reach for the wall, splaying my palm over the rough-hewn stone to keep my balance. “That’s not possible.”
“It is.” He nods slowly, watching me. “That’s how I know I’ve changed, how Garrick and I have managed to slay more than a dozen of them this week. I can feel them calling to me, just like I can feel the source pulsing beneath my feet with its incomparable power…because I’m one of them.”
As lore, this is fine, except it opens a plot hole in the climax (but we will get to that in Chapter 65).
Also, why is it “impossible”, Violet? The Prologue acknowledged that you can find Xaden via the mated bond. Is it so unbelievable that a similar mechanic could work for venin?
Melgren the Still-Omnisicent
Melgren's future sight is less of a focus in this book, but it still becomes very relevant in the climax, so we need to address how Yarros messes with the rules again and ends up opening plot holes.
“Panchek’ll notify the other leadership, right?” Ridoc asks as we pass the third floor.
“Melgren already knows. There were only two of us down there.” Xaden glances pointedly at Garrick’s hand, where his rebellion relic peeks out from the sleeve of his uniform.
This was not how Melgren’s Signet worked in the climax of Iron Flame.
By the logic now presented by Onyx Storm, rebel children need to be in extremely close proximity (i.e. the same room) to negate his future sight. However, when Jack destroyed the wardstone, Xaden was the only rebel child in the wardstone chamber. All the other rebel children stayed behind in the main courtyard while he, Violet, Dain, Nolan, and General Sorrengail checked on the wardstone. We don’t have exact distances, but from what has been described, the brig isn't any farther from the rest of Basgiath than the wardstone chamber is. So either having three rebel children in all of Basgiath is enough to turn the whole area into a blindspot, or Melgren should have foreseen Jack destroying the wardstone.
This also confirms that Melgren sees more than “battles”. Sure, this was implied already by past references to him avoiding assassination attempts, but he is a high-ranking military officer. Killing him would directly influence future battles, so if he can see cities where an army might rally, an assassination attempt is perfectly reasonable. An attempt by a small infiltration squad to extract one guy who isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things is much farther removed. Also, an assassination attempt would come in his future, while this is happening in the present. If Melgren is automatically aware of minor events happening anywhere in Navarre is real time, why is he not aware of literally everything that happens anywhere that three rebel children aren’t present?
Dragon Biology
Yarros decides to elaborate a bit more on dragon biology, particularly in regards to their magical nature. In Chapter 1, Andarna complains about not being able to go on patrol, and Tairn says this.
“Then practice evenly dispersing enough magic to keep all your extremities warm during flight, because your wings won’t hold the weight of this ice,” Tairn growls into the falling snow.
Dragons can consciously control the flow of magic through their bodies to regulate their temperature. This is fair enough. These are creatures defined by their ability to channel magic.
…
So why can’t they channel that magic into their claws or teeth to kill venin? Why can’t gryphons, given that they are also creatures defined by their ability to channel magic, and thus probably can do this as well to some extent? What makes Andarna so special?
Something I glossed over in the Prologue was Andarna’s speculation of just how she killed the venin.
“I’ve been thinking about it all night. Magic feels different when I change color. Maybe my use of power in that moment altered the venin, weakened her enough to blister.” Andarna slows enough to enunciate her words, but not by much.
A page later, while discussing how they can cure Xaden, she adds,
“We’ll find a cure,” Andarna promises. “We will exhaust every closer resource first, but if I’m right and I somehow altered that venin inadvertently while changing my scales, then the rest of my kind should know how to master the tactic. How to change him. Cure him.”
Now, both of these points are uttered by Andarna, but Violet accepts them as reality, so we the audience are also meant to accept them as reality. This therefore raises questions.
Why does Andarna altering the color of her own scales enable her to alter (and thus kill) another creature? Why could this not also apply to regulating body temperature? And least the body temperature creates a temperature gradient that can transfer thermal energy, so there is a stronger case for energy transferring to another creature by increasing body temperature than there is for changing scale colors. (And remember, the magical energy that Violet generates via lightning blasts translates into physical heat that affects her body.). So why can’t Tairn make his claws really hot and slash a venin with them?
This also ties back into the alloy that kills venin, not to mention the wardstone. Both are charged up (and, in the case of the wardstone, activated) with magical power channeled through a dragon. So if magical power of a dragon laced into metal can kill venin, and magical power of a dragon that alters a dragon's body can kill a venin, why can’t magical power concentrated into the claws or teeth of a dragon kill venin?
And, since we’re on the subject … we still don’t have a physical mechanism for the fire breath. It still appears to be a magical ability. It is the power that activates the wardstone. So why can’t dragonfire kill a venin if coloring changing can?
Runes
Now, we go from added lore that damages the setting to added lore that harmonizes with it.
The reveal that runes can be selectively negated will enable to atrocity that occurs in Chapter 7. The way the exposition is actually delivered is also incredibly confusing, to the point that I didn’t understand what Mira said here until its application in Chapter 7.
My jaw drops. There are three runes tempered into the disk, one for levitation in the middle, then two in overlapping layers for what appear to be sound-shielding and warmth. The outermost line — warmth — is broken by a small green shoot of new growth.
“How did you do it?” It’s almost impossible to keep my tone down.
“After being nearly blown up and hurled like a projectile”—a smile lifts the corners of her mouth—“we altered the material the rune is tempered into without destroying it, truly changing its form. Turns out Kylynn is an agrarian,” Mira says.
“Battle-Ax is a plant wielder?” I whisper.
“You don’t have to whisper, Vi.” Mira grins. “The sound shield is still active even though we nullified the warmth rune. It should cover us to almost the edge of the hall.”
From a lore perspective the idea that a rune can be disabled this way makes sense. Yarros has managed to introduce a new aspect to the magic system that not only doesn't damage what came before but also works harmoniously with the previous mechanics.
Going back to the explanation of runes in Chapter 45 of Iron Flame: runes are raw magical power folded into shapes and embedded into a material substrate. The shape is what defines what a rune does. It makes sense that changing the shape would negate the effect of the rune. It further makes sense that one could only do this safely by using magic to warp the material the rune is embedded into, rather than by taking a hammer and chisel to it, given that the initial rune is made with magic rather than physical materials.
Balance of the Signets
Onyx Storm will introduce a very odd element of destiny to the Signets, framing the most powerful ones as needing to exist in some sort of magical equilibrium and adding additional messianic overtones to Violet in the process. It is never properly explained and does not mesh with the previous books, which at most indicated that some Signets were just very rare and justified higher power levels based upon the color of the dragon granting the Signet.
The first hint of this is in Chapter 2.
The rarest of signets - those that rise once in a generation or century - have manifested concurrently with an equal twice in our records, both critical times in our history, but only once have the six most powerful walked the Continent simultaneously. As fascinating as that spectacle must have been, I would rather not live to see it happen again.
- A Study on Signets by Major Dalton Sisneros
This is going to surface a few other times as the story progresses, but it never really goes anywhere. It feels like an idea that Yarros toyed with but gave up on in favor of half-assing the religion worldbuilding instead.
PLOT
Last Time, on The Empyrean
Let’s start off with something that I feel is an unambiguous positive.
Just as in Iron Flame, Yarros does an effective job of re-introducing her readers to the story in process (at least, when we ignore the retcons). We were already reacquainted with some of the past events as well as with Violet and Andarna by the end of the Prologue; Tairn, the accessories, and the most other relevant events are covered by the end of Chapter 1; and Xaden makes a dramatic entrance to close the action scene in Chapter 2. If you hadn’t touched Iron Flame since 2023, this should be plenty to refresh your memory.
One of the reasons I feel like Onyx Storm is better without its predecessors is because of how well this reintroduction is done. You could step into the series with zero context and be able to follow along right away. Doing things in this manner would also mean the retcons and plot holes induced by the previous books could slip past unnoticed.
Pacing
The pacing of this opening is going to become an issue in Chapters 5 through 7. However, for these opening four chapters, I think it is fine. It makes sense to take a few chapters to finish reintroducing things and setting up the most important elements before kicking off the main plot that has been promised to us.
Peace Talks
On the first page of Chapter 1, we learn that signing a peace treaty with Poromiel is not going smoothly.
I’ve waited more than a week for the invitation-disguised order to come from the king’s council, but the delay is understandable given they’re on the fourth day of unprecedented peace talks happening on campus. Poromiel has publicly declared they’ll walk after the seventh day if terms can’t be reached, and it isn’t looking good. I only hope that they’ll be in an agreeable mood when I arrive.
I’m going to brush past the laughable notion that Poromiel, who are actively being slaughtered by the venin and have not had any leverage on Navarre for centuries, would think they could accomplish anything by threatening to walk away from negotiations with the people who were perfectly happy to let them all die during those same centuries.
Instead, the question I have is: why are the peace talks ongoing?
This isn't a realism issue. Given the limited means of travel in this world, it’s remarkable that all the delegates assembled in the two-week timeskip since the Prologue. The fact that they are still hashing things out makes sense. Rather, my issue here is narrative.
Chapter 65 of Iron Flame made the reintegration of the Aretia riders seem like a guaranteed thing. It was brought up in passing as a payoff and then allowed to fade into the background.
“In the front,” Tairn tells me, and I head in that direction, passing the negotiations between Melgren and Devera and pausing when I hear him laying out terms for our return. An attack, a horde that big? Bodies dropping all over the kingdom? There’s no chance leadership can hide this. It’s only a matter of hours before every Navarrian citizen knows they’ve been lied to. No wonder they want us to return.
Nothing is formally resolved, but at the same time, we are told that the only obstacle preventing the reintegration of the Aretia riders is gone. Couple this with the Prologue epigraph, and this alliance seems like something that could be resolved in the background.
Yarros must realize this, because she retcons away the progress Navarre and Aretia made towards resolving their differences.
Ridoc cringes and lowers his voice. “He wants to go home—back to Aretia. Says we can launch the search for the seventh breed from there.”
Rhi nods, and Quinn presses her lips in a firm line.
“Yeah, I get that,” I say—it’s a common sentiment among the riot. We’re not exactly welcome here. The unity between Navarrian and Aretian riders crumbled within hours of the battle’s end. “But the only path for an alliance that can save Poromish civilians requires us to be here. At least for now.”
This wouldn't be a problem if Yarros had a story to tell here … but she didn’t. At most, she is using the peace treaty as a pretense for a retcon, one that doesn’t even affect the trajectory of Onyx Storm’s plot. Outside of this retcon, nothing about the events building up to the peace treaty affects the narrative after Chapter 8. That makes all the pages spent on it into a massive waste of the audience’s time.
I’ll have more to say on this in both the next part and in the discussion of power fantasy in Chapter 8. Let’s put a pin in this for now.
The First Action Scene
My praise for the overall quality of action in this book does not extend to the action scene in Chapter 2.
It’s not that this is terrible, at least, not compared to the action in previous books. I think it makes sense to use an action scene to introduce Xaden. Most of my problems with this scene are the worldbuilding implications that we’ve previous covered. The only flaw I could see with the action itself is an editing mistake: at the climax, Yarros sets up Rhi to save Violet, only for Xaden to make his grand entrance, after which the focus is put on Ridoc complaining about how he would have saved Violet if Xaden hadn’t intervened and for everyone to act like he was the one who was about to intervene.
The real problems with this scene are how it fits into the narrative: how it is justified, and what impact it has on the story.
Contrivance
The only reason this action scene happens is because Violet and her friends are alerted by the venin feeding on all the people in the infirmary overflow area.
Why did they do this?
The venin are there to rescue Jack (or maybe to kill him - more on that in the distant future). They know secrecy is essential, which is why they disguise themselves in scribe robes. Why, then, do they stop to feed on all the wounded people in a public hallway, where said victims will surely be found in short order (assuming that none of these people manage to scream for help, which is exactly what happens)? If it’s an issue of needing to slake their hunger, why did they kill one of the guards at Jack’s cell with a sword, rather than draining him (which they can surely do rather quickly, if they can feed on all the people in the hallway without being caught and with only one person having time to scream)? Why not feed on magic from the ground before launching this mission, thereby eliminating the need to take risks to feed? Besides, they are dressed as scribes, not healers, so the mere fact that they are bending over all these wounded people to feed on them might arouse suspicion if they’re spotted.
What makes this more baffling is the makeup of the venin infiltration team. Of the five venin on this mission, one of them is the main antagonist for the book - a Maven (the highest ranking venin) named Theophanie. (Her formal introduction comes later, but I see no reason not to start using her name now.) Why did this high-ranking member of the hierarchy not select venin with the discipline to avoid feeding? Come to think of it, Theopanie is the one who moves so fast that she seems to teleport. Why did she not come alone, using her speed to dispatch the two guards on her own?
My point is this: Yarros is once again contriving an action scene that has no logical reason to exist, and she is doing this by making her antagonists look supremely incompetent.
Irrelevance
This action scene serves two narrative roles. It injects some superficial excitement into the opening of her book and provides Xaden with a badass introduction.
It has zero relevance to the book beyond that.
An action scene to start a story on a note of excitement is fine, as is an action moment that serves little purpose outside of introducing a character. Most James Bond films have a cold opening that features Bond demonstrating his skills as an action hero (with The World is Not Enough having two action separate actions scenes in its cold opening). However, there are three reasons why this doesn’t really work for Onyx Storm.
Bond films are typically thrilling, high-octane adventures. A cold opening action scene sets audience expectations for the story ahead. Onyx Storm doesn’t maintain that sort of pacing or tension. In fact, the pacing will stagnate in Chapters 5 through 7, and many of the action scenes after that are either power fantasy moments or additives to inject life into a sluggish story.
Most Bond films are not sequels. They are standalone adventures that can be watched in any order. Every time that Bond appears for the first time in a film could reasonably be expected to be the first time that the audience is meeting him; on top of that, because the Bond actors change, even longtime fans may be meeting a new Bond for the first time. Starting every film with a thrilling cold open is therefore extremely important to making a good first impression. Onyx Storm doesn’t need to characterize Xaden. If this book was indeed a soft reboot, and if the action scene was meant to show a change in his character, there might be a need for it, but as it stands, this is overkill.
Most of the Bond cold openings tie into the narrative. They aren’t necessary, in the sense that the story could start after the cold opening ends and fill in the gaps with exposition, but they do leave some sort of mark (due to being an inciting incident, establishing a character motivation, etc.). Onyx Storm doesn’t do that. There are details that seem at first like they will matter down the line (like the reveal that Xaden can sense the presence of other venin), but all of these end up being forgotten. (Aftshadowing does not count, as aftshadowing is itself a superficial additive with minimal impact on the story.)
What I find particularly interesting is how this scene interacts with the next action scene to feature venin, coming in Chapters 10 through 11. That scene is where Theophanie formally introduces herself, and she delivers a lot of exposition to Violet before fleeing (rather than fleeing immediately, which is what she does here, despite Violet being less dangerous in an underground chamber than in the open field where this second scene takes place). It feels like these two scenes could and should have been collapsed into one. Either the first venin action scene should have waited until the one in Chapters 10 through 11, so that Theophanie wouldn’t have already run away from Violet, or Theophanie should have been removed from the second scene and delivered all of her information here.
Also, Yarros continues to showcase both a refusal to kill her darlings and contempt for the group that most closely resembles an actual military. This is how Violet reflects on all those people who were drained in the hallway.
The death roll in the Infantry Quadrant will be painfully long tomorrow.
She couldn’t kill riders, healers, or even scribes. She had to kill the branch of this military that she beat down repeatedly in the previous book.
The Senarium Meeting
Most of what we could potentially discuss here will be covered in the Spotlights in Chapter 8 (for power fantasy), Chapter 19 (for demonizarion of characters), or Chapter 20 (for discussing how Power is the true theme of this series). There are only three small points that are worth calling out.
Andarna’s Demands
We are not told what is on Andarna’s list of demands, outside of Violet picking everyone on the task force. We just get this reaction from Lewellen when Violet hands him the list.
Lewellen holds out his hand, and I give him the folded list. Step one, complete. Asmile tugs at the corners of his lined mouth as he reads. “Some of these are quite…unique.”
Why does Violet not read out the list, especially if she is going to dig in her heels about one specific point on it? Yarros is going to tell us all the rest of the demands in short order, so withholding the information doesn’t serve a narrative purpose. I suspect that Yarros didn’t know what was on the list of demands when she wrote this scene, and then rather than edit it once she did settle on the demands, she just wrote it into another scene.
Making Things Worse
Violet’s stubbornness undermines the peace process. A big deal is being made through her narrative voice about the importance of this peace process, yet she is threatening that Tairn and Andarna will abandon Basgiath if Andarna’s demands (a least one of which is very petty, as we’ll explore when the list is revealed) are not met. When Melgren tries to end the meeting without agreeing to her terms, Violet outright says:
“Only if you meet the rest of Andarna’s demands.” I lift my chin. “I think both she and Tairn have shown they’re more than willing to walk—if not fly—away from Basgiath.”
Given that what Violet does in Chapters 5 through 7 is done in the same of the peace process, this stubbornness is very confusing. Why should we condemn Navarre for refusing to cave to demands when we are supposed to support Violet for being this belligerent?
Why is the Senarium involved?
This meeting is dedicated to the formation of the rainbow dragon task force. This is a military matter. Why is this the Senarium’s problem? Why would this not be the responsibility of the rider leadership alone?
The best I can figure is that Yarros wanted to add these characters but couldn't think of a good reason for Violet to interact with them … except she is going to have a far better reason in Chapter 8, a scene in which the Senarium also appears. Why did she not have this be a meeting with just Melgren and other senior riders and introduce the Senarium later?
The Pornography in Chapter 3
I’ll give Yarros this much: at least the objective fact of Violet and Xaden having sex is relevant to the narrative. The relevance is very strained, but that’s still better than anything we got in Iron Flame.
Unfortunately, that’s the only positive I can offer here. These are three pages that serve no purpose except to sexually arouse the audience (a fact Yarros has admitted to in interviews while patting herself on the back). Even if one wanted to steel man sex scenes as a form of character development, this scene falls flat, as we learn nothing new about the characters here. Yarros could have jumped directly from when Violet and Xaden started making out to the moment Xaden pushes her away after he drains magic from the bedframe, and nothing would have been lost. If anything, doing so would have helped save on some of this book’s bloat.
Now, the fact that Xaden drained during sex is narratively relevant. However … well …
This is the moment Yarros changes the course of the Romance subplot, killing the potential of the subplot she set up in the Prologue.
A full analysis of what she did here will need to wait for the breakdown of the Romance subplot in Chapters 48 and 49. For now, I’ll just say that the idea of curing Xaden takes a backseat. Oh, it gets plenty of lip service as something tagged onto the search for the rainbow dragons, but Violet’s sexual frustration (and the additional obstacles Yarros introduces to prolong that frustration) is what takes center stage.
CHARACTERS
This early in the story, there’s not a lot I can say about these characters that hasn’t been said before. Yarros is still reintroducing people, and she’s most just reiterating what came before. I therefore want to focus on the new or contradictory elements.
Violet
Chapter 1 Epigraph
I will not die today. I will save him.
—Violet Sorrengail’s personal addendum to the Book of Brennan
This is a rather annoying moment of style over substance. Why would Violet write this?
It can't be for her own sake. She hasn’t utilized the Book of Brennan since Fourth Wing, and even then, she only used it to learn how she could identify sparring test opponents in advance to poison them. She also hasn’t been established as someone who makes use of a diary.
It can’t be for anyone else. She hasn’t passed the book to anyone else, and she is trying to keep Xaden’s nature a secret in any case.
This means she is writing down information just so that she has is written down. She is exporting this secret from the safety of her mind to a form that anyone could steal and read, thereby leading them to ask questions she does not want to ask. She is actively endangering Xaden for no reason.
Remember how Violet is supposed to he the most intelligent person in the story?
It’s God’s Fault … Somehow
In front of us, snow tops the dormitory wing, the centered rotunda that links the quadrant’s structures, and all but the southernmost roofline of the academic wing ahead to our left, where Malek’s fire burns bright in the highest turret, consuming the belongings of our dead as he requires.
Maybe the god of death will curse me for keeping my mother’s personal journals, but it’s not like I wouldn’t have a few choice words for him should we meet, anyway.
This line baffles me. Why would Violet get mouthy with Malek?
This sort of attitude towards the divine makes sense for someone in a society with deep Christian roots. If you have been taught that God is omniscient and omnipotent but haven’t been taught why He allows suffering, then there is a way to rationalize having a chip on one’s shoulder when it comes to God’s commandments. It makes substantially less sense in a society where the gods have not only not been established to be omniscient and omnipotent but also have been established to manage specific divine portfolios.
With how Malek has been presented, he’s not the cause of death. He doesn’t even collect the souls of the dead. Souls have to be “commended” to him. This implies he is a figure more akin to Hades, a caretaker of people who have already died.
So what’s Violet getting mad about? Is it just that Malek won’t send her mother back to the land of the living? That sort of thing could and should have been stated directly, and it would also need to acknowledge that Malek has already sent back one dead family member (since, after all, as far as we have been told, Brennan did really die, and then he was really resurrected, despite that being impossible). Is it that she just doesn’t like having to burn her loved ones’ things? If so, that is also something that could and should have been spelled out.
Yarros is not a subtle writer, regularly beating us over the head with the obvious. Violet is also supposed to be a very intelligent character who knows a lot of facts, including basic theology. So when an ambiguous statement like this contradicts the established worldbuilding, it doesn’t feel like a natural extension of character. It just feels like Yarros didn’t think it through.
Irrational Hypocrite
Everyone who knows that Xaden is a venin (at this point, just the rebel children) has reasonable concerns about Violet sharing a bed with him, and they are also taking it upon themselves to monitor him at all times to ensure he doesn’t drain again.
This is how Violet reacts to one of the attempts to reminder her that she’s sleeping with an energy vampire.
“She told you we think you should sleep somewhere else, didn’t she?” Garrick rolls his neck like he’s preparing for a fight.
“She did.” Xaden starts down the steps, and I follow. “And I’ll tell you the same thing she said to Imogen. Get fucked.”
“Figured.” Garrick turns a pleading look on me, and I smile back as we walk out of the academic wing and into the surprisingly empty rotunda, crossing between two dragon pillars. “Thought you’d at least be logical, Violet.”
“Me? You’re the ones acting based on feelings and with no evidence whatsoever. My decision to trust him is based purely on the facts of our proven history.”
I want to like this moment of characterization.
Violet is very clearly the one “acting based on feelings and with no evidence whatsoever”. All of her “proven history” with Xaden came before he became a venin, and all available information points to how addictive that is. Thanks to the retcon of venin powers, she also knows that he can drain her within the wards. Hurling this accusation at other characters is projection.
The thing is, this is completely justified within the narrative as an emotional decision to for Violet to make. She wants to save Xaden. She hates the distance that he is putting between them. Of course she is going to snap back at people for trying to keep them apart.
In short, Violet is wrong here, but being wrong about this shows depth and nuance on her character.
…
There’s just the small matter of Violet being a self-insert Mary Sue in a validation power fantasy designed to beat the audience over the head about how she is a “rational woman” possessing great “intelligence”.
We are never meant to see Violet as being wrong. She is always supposed to be right (unless someone lied to her, in which case, any wrongness is really their fault). We’re not supposed to look at this and think that she is projecting her own behavior onto others. At best, Yarros is applying a patch. She’s trying to have Violet assert rationality so that we won’t notice how this is fundamentally at-odds with the power fantasy.
This is particularly jarring because the Chapter 3 sex scene, along with the aftermath in Chapter 4, demonstrates that Xaden is very much not in control … yet Violet does not except this proven fact that is now part of their history and does not consider sleeping elsewhere.
Xaden
One would think that Xaden becoming a venin would be a huge opportunity for him to grow as a character. Instead, Yarros has effectively reset his character to what it was in Fourth Wing - a Bad Boy Love Interest who has sexual tension with the self-insert Mary Sue and who said Mary Sue can redeem with her love, if only he’ll stop brooding long enough for him to do it. It’s just now, instead of Xaden being the son of the rebel leader with a supposed vendetta to murder her, he’s got Edward Cullen’s vampire angst.
Accessories & Red Shirts
Yarros still puts minimal effort into fleshing out the rest of Violet’s squad. Rhi remains unchanged in this book, Sawyer is now given a singular character trait (he is now a Token Amputee - more on that in several months), Ridoc continues to be an annoying font of tone-destroying quips, and the rest are an amorphous blob out of whom characters might emerge when it is narratively convenient to use them.
That said, Yarros is going to give Ridoc a more central role in this book. He’s even going to get a bit of character development (by revealing other aspects to him, rather than having him grow and change). What’s more, she actually starts the setup for this in Chapter 1.
As early as Chapter 1, Ridoc is dropping lines about how he hopes to join the team that Violet puts together to search for the rainbow dragons. This sounds like quipping at this stage, and all the other characters dismiss it as such. Later on, though, we’re going to realize that he’s not only completely serious but also annoyed that everyone thought he was joking.
This appears to be a rare instance of Yarros setting things up properly. I can’t fully rule out aftshadowing, given how Ridoc’s quips have always felt tacked-on and irrelevant, but if it is aftshadowing, Yarros went the extra mile to seed this lines into many, MANY scenes. By the time Ridoc reveals how annoyed he is with being written off … well, we’ll get to how that moment falls flat down the line, but at least the idea that he is serious about wanting to join Violet feels genuine, because there is a lot of evidence for the audience to remember.
The Senarium
Most of these people don’t have names, only titles that consist of their rank and the province of Navarre that they govern (“Duchess of Morraine”, “Duke of Calldyr”, etc). All of these nameless people are characterized as a one-note, out-of-touch aristocrats. The sole exceptions of Lewellen (that being the name of his noble house - I don’t recall ever getting a first name for him), who represents Tyrrendor. He is the Good Artistroct, a bland piece of cardboard who exists entirely to support Violet in any scene where the Senarium is involved.
Mira
I liked Mira well enough in Fourth Wing and the first half of Iron Flame. There was very little to her, but she was functional in her role. It wasn’t until she started going on adventures with Violet and showed how petty, spiteful, and generally unprofessional she was (that last is important, given that she’s supposed to be a soldier with a few years of experience) that I started to be bothered by her.
In Onyx Storm, Mira is insufferable. It’s like Yarros took all of the unadulterated spite she previous vomited through Violet and made Mira the mouthpiece instead. This is an ongoing issue throughout the book, yet is starts from the moment Mira is introduced in Chapter 4.
Mira’s smile could cut glass, but at least she’s trying. It took her months to let him back in after she found him alive. Who knows how long she’ll need to get over losing our mother on what she considers to be Brennan’s watch.
How does Mira figure that?! In what way was Brennan at all responsible for General Sorrengail’s death?
Why is Mira not blaming Violet?
Violet was the one who brought the rebel children to Basgiath, thereby distorting Melgren’s visions and allowing Jack to destroy the wardstone.
Violet was the one who told Brennan to repair the wardstone (and given how giving orders is part of the power fantasy, we can absolutely hold her accountable for issuing that one).
Violet was the one who attempted to sacrifice herself, thereby spurring General Sorrengail to intercede and become the sacrifice in Violet’s place.
Blaming Violet would not only make far more sense, it could introduce some rewarding character conflict. It is what makes the most narrative sense. Blaming Brennan just makes Mira as much of foul, hateful bitch as Violet was with regards to Dain in Iron Flame.
This also isn’t the only time in this scene that Mira is irrationally spiteful towards Brennan. She also lashes out at him for not changing his last name back to Sorrengail, on the grounds that he is dishonoring their mother … the mother she hated right up until that mother’s death. (She also never criticizes him for not using their father's last name, Daxton, despite the fact their father never gave any reason for any of his children to hate him.)
Professor Grady
Remember Grady? The RSC professor who was way too nice and coddling for the subject he taught, to the point that he was effectively assuring his students that an exercise where they would be tortured to test their pain endurance was a safe space? The Good Teacher who was present at the defection and who is needed for Xaden’s comment about four professors defecting to make any amount of sense?
Yarros hopes you don’t.
During the Senarium meeting in Chapter 3, Violet attempts to use Andarna to assign herself command of the rainbow dragon task force, leading to this exchange.
“I will take six riders—”
“You will take no one,” Melgren interrupts. “You are a second-year cadet who will only be allowed to participate because we need your dragon. It has already been decided that Captain Grady will lead the task force, due largely to his experience behind enemy lines.”
My stomach sinks. “My RSC professor?” No, no, no, this is not how this was supposed to go. I grasp the list that has Mira’s name inked at the top.
At first, this sounds like Violet is just upset that she doesn’t get her way (and believe me, we’ll be coming back to that in Chapter 20), but then we get this line at the end of the meeting.
There’s no telling if we’ll beable to trust whoever Grady selects for the squad.
This if followed shorty by this line at the start of the sex scene, before the sex itself kicks off.
Maybe it was hitting the gym last night with Imogen, or the emotional letdown after I’d vented with Rhi and Tara about why Grady was the worst possible choice to lead Andarna’s mission, but I didn’t wake once, thank gods.
What is Violet’s issue with Grady, exactly? He is one of the four Good Teachers. Sure, his absence from Part Two of Iron Flame implies that he didn’t defect, but Kaori didn’t defect, either, and I haven’t seen anything to indicate that Violet doesn’t trust Kaori. His coddling nature should also mesh well with Violet’s superficial compassion (you know, the compassion that leads her to leave Aretia exposed to annihilation because she cares about her accessories’ feelings). Then there’s the matter of the rider leadership being right about his qualifications. He will be a practical asset. As an added bonus, because the rider leadership picked him, they are unlikely to undo that decision merely to spite Violet.
So why is he suddenly being treated as if he is the new Markham?
This sudden flip in characterization is going to get a … I suppose it’s technically a payoff, though I shudder to call it that … in Chapter 19. Let’s put a pin in it until then.
PROSE
False Cliffhangers
I designed this as a Plot issue in Iron Flame, but it is such a pervasive issue in Onyx Storm that I realized it was a stylistic choice.
Throughout this book, Yarros will terminate a chapter at an arbitrary point mid-scene, only to continue that scene in the next chapter. The continued scene often ends so soon afterwards that she might as well have moved the chapter break up to the end of the scene. These moments aren’t surprises that fundamental shift the tone or progression of a scene, and they aren’t markers of a POV shift. Yarros just ends a chapter mid-conversation or mid-action.
For example of a good cliffhanger, consider the closing of Chapter 1. Violet and her accessories hear a scream outside the infirmary, and then this happens.
“She’s dead!” A cadet in infantry blue stumbles in and falls to his hands and knees. “They’re all dead!”
There’s no mistaking the gray handprint marking the side of his neck.
Venin.
My heart seizes. We haven’t found them out on patrol—because they’re already inside.
Violet has been provided new information that fundamentally alters her understanding of her present situation. She knew there were venin survivors, and she was just out patrolling for them, but she thought Basgiath itself was safe. Now she knows that there is danger. The events that follow are fundamentally altered by this.
Now, for an example of one of this book’s bad cliffhangers, consider the break between Chapters 2 and 3.
“I sensed them,” he finally answers. “The same way they sense me.”
My stomach pitches, and I reach for the wall, splaying my palm over the rough-hewn stone to keep my balance. “That’s not possible.”
“It is.” He nods slowly, watching me. “That’s how I know I’ve changed, how Garrick and I have managed to slay more than a dozen of them this week. I can feel them calling to me, just like I can feel the source pulsing beneath my feet with its incomparable power…because I’m one of them.” His eyes narrow. “Scared yet?”
Xaden can sense them.
My fingernails bend slightly when my hand flexes along the grout line, holding on for dear life as my mind spins. But just because he can sense them doesn’t mean he gave up part of his soul, right? It’s there in his eyes, watching me, waiting for me to reject him, or worse, push him away like I did after Resson.
Maybe it’s more dire than I thought, but he’s still whole, still him. Just with…heightened senses.
I shove my stomach right back where it belongs and hold his stare. “Scared of you?” I shake my head. “Never.”
“You will be,” he whispers, looking over my features like he needs to memorize them.
“Your five minutes are up,” Garrick says from the base of the steps. “And Violet has a meeting to get to.”
I have removed the break and the epigraph, but otherwise, this is exactly how it reads in the book. Where is the cliffhanger?
How about the one between Chapters 3 and 4?
My gaze narrows on the dark wood, and I have to lean in a little to finally see two faint marks of discoloration, barely a shade lighter than the original stain, right where his thumbs had been. I cover my stomach with my hand like that can keep it from sinking.
Did he just channel?
I shake my head at the two subtle marks. “That’s nothing. It’s barely there.” And his eyes look exactly the same from this distance. Whatever he did wasn’t even close to what had happened during the battle.
“Because I stopped.” He climbs off the far side of the bed and retreats until the backs of his thighs hit my desk. “The second your power rose, I felt it and remembered why I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to touch you. And I thought, if I could at least take care of you, that would be enough for me, but then I was so fucking close…” He white-knuckles the edge of my desk and brings his gaze to mine. “I can’t afford to lose control around you. Not even the edge of it.” He glances toward the headboard. “Not like that. Not at all.”
My chest aches, and I breathe deeply to slow my racing heart. If he truly channeled… “Can I come over there? I won’t touch you.”
He nods. “I’m all right now. Firmly under control.”
Again, I removed the break and the epigraph. The only other change was that I removed a paragraph break to combine two very short paragraphs into one. So, where is the cliffhanger?
It’s not like I'm against the idea of a chapter breaking on the reveal of new information. It’s just that the new information needs to actually change the narrative to the point that the audience needs a reset. Violet already knew Xaden could drain magic inside the wards, and the idea of venin sensing each other really shouldn’t be strange when she can sense Xaden through the mated bond. These ideas simply aren’t worthy of a cliffhanger. Furthermore, for Yarros to stretch this far to force not one but two cliffhangers, thereby having all three of her opening chapters end on one, screams of a lack of trust in the narrative to hold the audience’s attention.
WASTE AND IRRESPONSIBLITY
Chapters 1 through 4, for all their flaws, are at least a functional starting point. They are a slow beginning to get the audience reaquainted with the story and lay groundwork for the story promised by the premise and Prologue.
Chapters 5 through 7 forget all of that and bring the story to a screeching halt so that Yarros can indulge in not one but two power fantasies. The second of these involves Violet once more doing something abhorrent for the same of some shallow, self-righteous objective. I will once more need to whip out the Elon Musk quote.
These chapters were where I knew this story was in trouble. By the end of Chapter 4 Yarros had everything she needed to deliver on the promises she’d already made. She could have delivered on something great. She instead prioritized power fantasy. Making her self-insert Mary Sue look good was more important to her than telling a good story.
We’ll dig into this on April 25th. I hope to see you all then. Please remember to subscribe to the newsletter if you’d like to receive weekly updates on the latest posts, such as next week’s review, The Magician’s Nephew. Until then, have a good week.
